I’ve recently been watching reruns of the hit t.v. show ‘Sex and the City‘, which aired on HBO and local affiliate stations in several countries from 1998 – 2004. I had only seen a few episodes in its heyday.
Yesterday I enjoyed an episode from Season 2 while I took a break for lunch. Four single women in their mid-thirties, living in New York City, all apparently very successful in their chosen careers. This time they were off to a day at the spa together. Charlotte, the most uptight and socially rule bound of the bunch (although Miranda the lawyer comes in at a close second) refuses to take off her thick, terrycloth towel in the steam room.
She is extremely self-conscious as she peruses the room full of women strangers who are languishing on the benches or strolling around the locker room au naturel, unabashedly relaxed and comfortable without cover or camouflage. Mind you, they all have great bodies. Charlotte stoically tries to endure, grips her towel ever more tightly around her, whines she is feeling faint and too hot.
Her gal pals encourage her to just simply take the towel off. Charlotte’s panic increases as she meets the gaze of another naked woman across the room. The scrutiny is too much for her to bear, and she bolts out. Charlotte later bemoans to Carrie and the others that ‘her thighs are too big’ while they are dining together at (yet another) chic Manhattan restaurant. I laughed out loud at this; all of them are as ‘skinny perfect’ as models. But I digress.
Like Charlotte, we bloggers and creative entrepreneurs can be self-conscious (and oh-so-self-critical) of all the flaws in our body of creative work.
Almost to the point where it physically hurts to take a chance and publish anything online.
When we try and engage in the social media arena for the first time as a business professional, we feel SO afraid of being judged. Or dismissed completely. We frantically wonder, did we make a huge mistake?
Back to Charlotte and her dilemma.
Fortified with new vigor after much reassurance from her friends, Charlotte returns a few days later on her own to the spa to conquer her fear and self-consciousness. Resolute, she rushes into the steam room, slinks onto the bench, and after a brief moment, slowly lowers her towel. A woman seated close to her gives her a lingering look. Charlotte holds her breath. Then the woman meets her eyes and drawls, “I would kill to have t*ts like yours!”
Charlotte beams. Sits up straighter. Ding ding!
We envy all those successful and popular creative people who have thousands of worshippers followers on Twitter and Facebook and seem to be making tons of money.
We quake in fear as we expose ourselves, our website, and our work, for all the world to see. Like Charlotte, we hold our breath as we feel so uncomfortable having all those eyes on us.
But maybe, just maybe, there will be something we have that they might feel envious about. Maybe what we have to offer is of value and we shouldn’t give up, tighten the towel around ourselves, and run away from the scrutiny.
All of us have something unique to offer this world, regardless of years of experience, fame, and great networking connections.
If you’re just starting out in your creative business, offer all of what you have with self-confidence and childlike humility. We’re going to make mistakes, but hopefully they’ll be overlooked in time. Have an expectation that what you are producing will be appreciated, wanted and needed by others. Don’t force yourself to look-sound-write like all the leaders of the pack out there; don’t take that easy road.
Have the courage to take off your towel and sit there in the steamy social media arena. Be your own person and create original work, offering your clients and your entrepreneurial peers something they can’t find anywhere else.
I was referred here by Cats Eye and I loved your post. It was really spot on for me today because I almost didn’t blog on my normal Wednesday this week. I thought “why bother? no one gives a hoot about my blog”. But I did a BIC HOK ( just learned that phrase and love it – booty in chair, hands on keys!) and wrote my blog and posted it and felt better that I did.
Patti
Hi Patti,
Welcome! Glad you could relate to what I wrote. Thanks for sharing this new term (to me) BiC HOK – I’ll definitely have to remember that one!
It’s hard to push through that resistance, but like you, when I’ve been victorious and produced a blog post , I’ve felt better each and every time. Actually this very blog post was a struggle to write. I almost didn’t finish it, never mind pressing ‘publish’!
I’m so glad you went ahead and wrote/published a blog post – you have something unique and valuable to share with the world and I hope you continue to offer it out there. You never know where this adventure will take you
Carole – love this analogy and the encouragement that it represents. Not sure if I will ever drop my towel but at least I’m in the steam room
Brenda recently posted..The Open Road
LOL – I love it! But I’m glad you’re putting yourself and your talents ‘out there’ (and I mean in the world at large, not just the steam room)
I love this analogy. When I started my blog, I called the first post “Naked in Times Square,” so we’re thinking along the same lines. It’s always nice to know we’re not alone in our hangups.
I’ve found that maintaining the confidence to reveal myself online is a practice I have to work on every single day.
I also appreciate your comment that mimicking others who are further along is taking an “easy road.” It can be so tempting to adopt the style and voice of people we admire and who appear successful. Trusting that what we uniquely offer also has value is a big leap of faith! It’s something I’ve believed intellectually all along, but it takes time to believe it at a deep level.
Thanks for taking off your towel and creating this site!
Hi Sue,
You’re so right about that distinction between intellectually believing and psychologically accepting thoroughly that we have something unique and valuable to offer “the world out there” (one another).
Thanks for your encouraging words.
Years ago, I decided that I would create my own image of me, not the image other people, including my family thought I should be. I know what I like and what I’m comfortable with. I have never been in a steam room, with other women, but have had showers at places like local pools and the Y, where everything is exposed to those around you. My Father’s sperm and my Mother’s egg, came together, in a supernova genetic explosion creating the person I am. I accept all my flaws and all that is right of myself. I once told someone, “If you don’t like the way I am, blame my parents”….lol. There are things I could do to bring to complete perfection, this unique human speciman that I am, but I would have to give up some things I love, and well, quite frankly, I’m not a quitter…lol. One day, I may endevour to do this, but I’m comfortable in my skin right now.
I had to smile at your comment, “If you don’t like the way I am, blame my parents.” Isn’t that the intrinsic message of half the self-help books out there?
I can really relate to what you say about your family having expectations of who you are, and how that really doesn’t seem to ‘fit’ who you really are at all.