This post was originally published on this blog in January of this year.
One of the hardest things for an independent, loner-type giver is to reach out and ask for help.
I have been a gregarious people-helper my entire life.
In fact, my mother often attests to the fact that I have talked easily with strangers from the age of two (when apparently I could already articulate complete sentences and carry on a coherent conversation with adults).
Many people who know me would not easily guess that I’m the most comfortable when I can retreat to my ‘room’ alone and re-group after being with people.
This may raise an eyebrow or two because by outward appearance I’m often the life of the party and a social connector when I get myself into ‘the zone.’ (after some emotional preparation time).
It gives me great pleasure to share a story or joke that will open up someone’s somber face in laughter, or give them food for thought, or inspire or help them in whatever way I can, with whatever resources I have available.
I love people.
However, I do need and enjoy long hours of solitude; my recent career decision to work as a solopreneur suits me well.
Boredom is a rare visitor to my home. I’m someone who has many interests and preoccupations that take up a lot of real estate in my busy brain and I often feel there aren’t enough hours in a day.
Spinning, synthesizing, assimilating – turning over all the possibilities like a person manically trying to solve the Rubik’s Cube in 1 minute or less.
I’ve usually chosen occupations throughout my work life where I could carry out my duties independently with minimum collaborative time in a team venture.
Call me the perpetual vocational nomad if you will.
The downside to this kind of experience is that I missed out on years of office water cooler conversations or building lasting friendships with colleagues. That said, I still wasn’t immune to experiencing some ‘wear and tear’ of office politics or in working on projects by committee over the years!
As I start to make these tentative, but concrete, steps forward in my creative solo business, I’m realizing that I have to get out of my comfort zone and reach out to other professionals – for help, for companionship, for creative inspiration, affirmation and collaboration. For sanity! This really goes against my nature as I don’t want to impose on anyone. Really.
No creative solopreneur is an island!
If you are sitting at home and struggling trying to do it all – hesitant or awkward about contacting others – please take my sincerest advice and be kinder to yourself. Stop this pattern.
Give yourself permission to reach out to others and take a risk at being vulnerable.
You’ve already given so much to so many and I’m sure you won’t quit that tendency anytime soon.
Maybe some will ignore you or evade your request, assuming that you might be one of those leeches they’re so tired of dealing with.
But maybe, just maybe, you’ll find a handful of like-minded creative individuals who are generous of spirit and eager to lend a hand and welcome you ‘into the fold’.
Maybe you’ll experience a positive growth in your business, in your personal life, discover how many tangible ways you can help them in the bargain.
These opportunities will never be self-evident unless you reach out.
One thing leads to another; each relationship opens up doors of possibility we can’t imagine or access if we don’t engage, commit the time and effort. Spectacular, amazing projects and opportunities can arise when creative people pool their talents and resources together.
Well we all shine on
Like the moon and the stars and the sun
Yeah we all shine on
On and on and on on and on…
John Lennon
How are you stretching yourself creatively by reaching out to others in 2011?
Written by Carole Jane Treggett
Carole – stopping by to check out your site. Great post with many valuable messages. I am a definite loner by nature and find it very difficult to reach out to ask for help or support from others. I look forward to following your blog and am grateful for the connections that have been made through the comments made at Cat’sEyeWriter blog.
Hi Brenda,
Thanks so much for coming by so soon and for your feedback! I’m so grateful serendipity gave me the opportunity to meet you today and that you’re finding value here already. We definitely do seem to be birds of a feather (and you can count on me ‘flocking’ to your blog on a regular basis as well – your photography is quite wonderful!).
I’m constantly amazed at the opportunities and quality connections that are formed when we loner-givers ‘bite the bullet’ and reach out
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Great website! I think there are many valuable information and advices here. Along the same line, I came across the following website which I found interesting. Traditionally, personality tests such as MBTI have been used as career aptitude test. However, these tests have a very limited scope as they ignore many important factors such as person’s skills, values, and interests.
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I really hope things work out very soon in your life, Mitzi so that you can pursue your writing and business full-time.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to look forward to your blog posts!
Keep on SHINING, m’Dear!
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Lovely post CJ. It’s funny sometimes how different our inside selves are from our outside selves.
Hugs
Hey CJ … As I emailed you, I hear ya! I am a people person too. I did the Myers-Briggs personality test years ago at the recommendation of a woman I had met. It was so appropriate! I’m an ENFJ and have always helped people, been good at socializing, and so on. Luckily I’ve learned to rest and take care of myself. The Myers-Briggs is the best test I’ve ever taken and highly recommend it.
Thanks for all the great articles. I really enjoy reading them.
Hi Debby, thanks for stopping by! Beautiful avatar you’ve created there, Ms. Graphic Designer
I think Myers-Briggs is pretty accurate as far as personality testing goes. I’ll share the link you emailed me in case some people reading comments here would be interested in taking the survey:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/
What a great post! I’ve worked as a journalist and a coalition-builder, which requires an outgoing approach, but I too work best in solitary. I’ve now gone FT self-employed, and am telling myself I must make an effort to stay engaged outside my home office, for reasons both professional and personal. I can’t tell you how helpful it is to find another person reflecting on the same issues!
Good luck with your “tentative, but concrete, steps forward in my creative solo business.”
LOL Patrick! Hey, that makes me really happy to know that what I’m going through, or what I can say/do can benefit others as well as myself. So it’s very meaningful to get this feedback.
I’m really glad to hear from you again – I admire your work a lot and I’m appreciating your sense of humor and your gift of encouragement. Cheers
Hiya,
There are worse things than having John Lennon play on and on, and on and on…in your head
Sue, I’m so grateful to have ‘met’ you online; we really do seem to have so much in common! Glad you’ve signed up for the SHINE challenge too. You write so eloquently and I always appreciate your wise perspectives. I’m glad it will give you added incentive to get your posts out there.
I may need to get darker sunglasses though with all this brilliance going on!
I completely relate to the need for alone time despite enjoying people. And to having trouble asking for help. Boy, that’s me. I love your point about how reaching out can lead to all sorts of things you never expected. It’s like the very act of asking for help pulls in all kinds of resources beyond just what you asked for. Cool!
Thanks for the heads up on the SHINEOnline challenge. I signed up, too. Desperately need to crank out more content on my blog!
And now you’ve put “Instant Karma” in my head…I still have that 45 with Yoko singing “Who Has Seen the Wind?” on the flip side!