Throughout history, failures or setbacks have often led creative people to discover something greater or better than the original plan. At the very least, valuable lessons were learned. Friday fudge is about creatives persevering past the obstacles, and finding delicious rewards they could never have imagined or hoped for in the first place.
The other day I was at the computer fretting once more over preparing a post to publish on my blog.
I had too many windows open on my computer, was multitasking and I was sleep-deprived. Even though I had a handful of drafts as options, and many ideas and paragraphs scribbled in a notebook open on my desk, nothing seemed right or sufficiently satisfied my inner-critic/perfectionist’s standards.
Argh, I was letting myself get pulled into the quagmire of self-doubt about my writing yet again!
I skimmed over a few of my previously published posts, deciding the one titled Who Says? would be ok to send out again. Then I quickly changed my mind and cancelled the scheduling process from my WordPress administrative area. Or so I believed.
Even though I had received good feedback with this one after summoning up the courage to press publish the first time back in March, my stomach still churned reading what I wrote.
This is the only piece of writing I’ve put on the blog to date that wasn’t originally intended for publication.
Exposing one’s vulnerabilities for all the world to read is not for the faint-hearted.
That afternoon I, along with all my subscribers, received the notification from Feedburner that my post had been published. What the…? As I clicked open the email, a familiar swooshing sensation rose up inside my head.
I grimaced and wished I had just written a new post and sent it out instead of going through all this ridiculous angst and rigamarole.
Within an hour, I heard from two readers who thanked me enthusiastically, explaining how well it spoke to them (again) at that precise moment. The message was repeated: this post was timely and valuable. Another person shared a chunk of my post in the form of a quote on her Facebook page.
The owl speaks, quipped a dear, wise friend.
Indeed, the positive repercussions from this serendipitous event prove to me in a not-so-subtle way that there are delicious rewards to be had even from my little creative fudge. One I couldn’t succeed in reversing or hiding.
How many times have I second-guessed and stopped myself from completing a blog post and shelved it instead of publishing? I’m embarrassed to admit how many!
It reminded me of taking those multiple-choice tests back in school. I should have stuck with my first answer instead of succumbing to over thinking and changing my mind, inevitably getting most of those questions wrong. Discovering afterwards my gut instinct was indubitably right.
Imagine all the creative work we could produce if we didn’t waste so much time getting in our own way.
Now I’ve decided to put a concerted effort in being mindful (yeah, I ‘m going to start meditating on a regular basis too!), stopping myself from continuing to play the woulda-coulda-shoulda game. Continue to move forward with my creative dreams and goals with renewed purpose and conviction, insecurities and all. Like Dory, I’m just going to keep on swimming, swimming, swimming!
When it feels awkward or uncomfortable for you to complete and then share your creative work, chances are you’re onto something good, and someone else needs it, including yourself.
It really is ok to make silly mistakes along the way, to chuckle at yourself, be grateful for the unexpected gifts of serendipity, and to give yourself authentic creative freedom to take more risks. It’s worth it.
What are some of the ways you overcome self-doubt or whatever stands in your way from getting your creative work done and out into the world? Please feel free to share in the Comments.
In case you missed them, here’s a few of the other Friday fudge posts you might want to read:
Introducing Friday fudge : Delicious rewards from creative ‘mistakes’
Friday fudge : J.K. Rowling and creative risk-taking
Friday fudge : The power of encouragement for creatives
I’ve come to realize that its the times I fret the most about my writing that it has the most impact. In others words, it is resonating with readers because I’m being authentic. Because of that, I’ve started watching my thoughts as I write. If I think to myself that I can’t or shouldn’t write something, then I know I have to. I think dealing with self-doubt is a lifelong issue and it is simply something we need to learn to look at, wave away, and proceed. It gets easier, but, at least for me, it never entirely goes away.
Charlotte Rains Dixon recently posted..Are You a Big Picture or a Little Picture Writer?
Hi Charlotte,
I so appreciate this comment. I’ve had a bit of that experience too. I’ve used some of the techniques of dealing with the fear and self-doubt you suggested during that excellent teleclass you recently hosted with Karen Caterson, and they really are effective!
Hey CJ,
I let my gut instinct guide me. None of us are perfect. We all make goofs, mistakes, things we aren’t proud of. It takes courage to not regret anything. To accept it as life, lessons learned hopefully.
Sometimes the best stuff is what we don’t think about, just do!
Hang in there and keep on trucking! You are doing the best that you can and that’s all that’s needed.
xo
Deb
Thanks, Deb. That gut instinct never steers us wrong, I agree. Over thinking or hesitation can get in the way of making/getting to that ‘best stuff.’
I find that I need to be very still and listen to that small voice inside of me. It’s got a small wee voice, and I need to slow down the hectic hey-day pace of my life to hear her, but when I do…she’s always right.
This inner voice needs encouragement and nurturing, and as the years pass we tend to neglect it and I fear with some people, it’s neglected to the point where it dies.
The nurturing is easy…but takes time, and who has that in this busy day and age? Who has time to sit quietly and listen to the inner song of their heart? We seem to be afraid of quiet solitude these days and are constantly preoccupied with electronic gadgets, blackberry…email…tv. Just the other day I found myself plopping into the lazy boy chair and my automatic reaction was to reach for the remote.
I consciously put it back…thumped my lap for my cat to come join me, and once he settled into a little fur ball of purring contentment, I sat back, relaxed, and went over my day in my mind and what I had planned for the next.
The wee little voice then had ample opportunity to add her opinion to my various thoughts and I was at ease with much that was prior to that moment, a turmoil within my heart.
I agree with you that it’s imperative to find the time to turn off the noise of this life in order to hear the wise inner voice. I really think a lot of people would be much happier, kinder, and more creative in general if they did. Glad to hear how your little fur pal can help remind you how to stay still (well except for the thunderous purring, eh? lol).
Thanks so much for stopping by, Suson, and leaving such a great, thoughtful comment.
The wise owl reappearing “by mistake” was perfect timing for me. He came to visually confirm I was on the right track with something I was doing at that very moment! It was amusing to hear how annoyed you were with yourself for republishing it when you didn’t mean to.
But these things often only feel “chuckleable” in hindsight. I’ve perpetrated some deep crimes of over-strivingness on myself lately – and (fortunately) did live to see the folly of it. By doing it to myself I (re)learned so much about how I really want to feel as a writer. And about what I don’t want. Letting go of what I don’t want felt good. And it opened the way for creative riches that I had been so busy blocking, trying to do things the world’s way instead of my muse’s way.
The learning I got from it was truly invaluable. I could not understand my current creative impulses as deeply as I am without that vivid contrast in experience.
Millivers Travels recently posted..Climb Kilimanjaro for Kids: One Man’s Inspiring Tale
Love what you share in this comment, Milli. It’s one thing to read about how it’s possible to receive those gifts of creative riches and wish it would happen, and another altogether to actually go through the experience personally. You’re so right about letting go first. I agree that the sacrifice and mindful effort of doing so is saying no to outer/conventional ways and making room for a truer way and understanding where the muse wants you to thrive.